3:42 a.m. – A thunderstorm of cataclysmal proportions awakes us from sleep. It’s real early so we figure it will be over by the time of the party.
9:13 a.m. – Andrea and I rouse from slumber as a particularly loud thunder clap levitates us off our bed. At any rate, we are ready to get this joyous event in gear. We’re still confident the rain will stop by the party.
9:13:41 a.m. – Stubbed left big toe on way to bathroom. Painful. Bad omen.
9:42 a.m. – Andrea begins cooking and baking. Four pounds of hamburger and sloppy-joe sauce are slowly stewing in the “Pot o’ Meat” crock pot. The cake is mixed and is put into the oven. The storm outside continues to pummel our house.
11:48 a.m. – Andrea finishes Hannah’s Birthday cake. It refuses to come out of the cake pan. Andrea does her best to convince the cake that it really is nice outside of the pan. She convinces about 83% of the cake to come out. The other 17% is forcibly ejected. Andrea begins reconstruction of the cake.
12:03 p.m. – Andrea gives up. The cake is… unlovely. We are one can short of sloppy-joe sauce. I am dispatched to the grocery store for sauce and many last minute items, oh, and a cake. It’s still raining. I get wet.
1:36 p.m. – I return from the store with all necessary items and a cake along with some squeezable icing. Storm is now a drizzle. Sauce is added to meat. Things are starting to look up.
1:44 p.m. – Local news reports that Mott Lake at Blue Belle Beach has high levels of E. coli bacteria and is unsafe for swimming. Blue Belle Beach is closed indefinitely. Also noticed that I forgot to buy buns for the sloppy-joes. Called Mom and Dad Leuck to pick some up on the way to the party.
1:53 p.m. – After countless trips to the car for various unpacked items (food, drinks, cake, Rachel, presents, “Pot o’ Meat”, etc.), we’re on our way. Party begins at 2:00 p.m. sharp!
2:16 p.m. – We arrive fashionably late for our own celebration. Jo-Jo, Dana, Jes, Aunt Gail, Uncle Ron, Nicholas, and Grandma Greene are already there and wondering if this place is indeed the correct location of the party. The rain is gone completely but a very strong wind still remains. We begin set-up.
2:21 p.m. – After some initial speculation over where the food table should be located, a decision is reached. The food table is in the wrong spot and all items need to be removed from the table so it can be carried to the proper location. Grandma & Grandpa Greene, and Grandma Margaret arrive.
2:22 p.m. – In an attempt to move the last remaining item on the table, I pick up the “Pot o’ Meat” attempting to carefully, yet swiftly, move it to safety. Unfortunately, the power cord is stuck between the slats of the picnic table. I lose the short game of tug-of-war. The “Pot o’ Meat” rapidly descends to the ground. The resulting impact sends four pounds of sloppy-joe meat airborne. For a brief moment time stands still. My brain quickly analyzes the trajectory of the meat. I wince at the realization, powerless to intercede. Grandma Greene, Grandma Margaret, Jes, and Jo are blanketed in a baptizing barrage of bar-b-qued beef. I gasp. Jes screams. Off in the distance, a seagull squawks. I stand there enraged, embarrassed, and appalled. Everyone’s jaws are dropped. Everyone is looking at me. There is a big glop of beef on my shoe.
2:23 p.m. – As Jes and Mom Greene pick morsels of meat from Grandma Greene and Grandma Margaret’s hair and Andrea tries really hard not to laugh (but fails), I resolve to make this disaster right. With two sisters on a very restricted diet, getting food for all is going to be tough. I am up to the challenge, glop of beef and all. Dana begins customizing the cake. Alan, Sarah, Ethan, and Ezra arrive. The mass of seagulls acting nonchalant in the field next to us become agitated. I suspect they are up to no good. The squawking begins again and intensifies. “Jared, quit that squawking and chasing after the stupid seagulls and go get some food!”, Andrea says. The last thing I hear as I leave the picnic is Grandma Margaret saying, “I’ve never been this messy in my entire life.” Sigh. No wonder there is so much tension between in-laws. I mean with parties spilling hot and greasy food on each other all the time, how could they ever get along?
2:58 p.m. – I return with four “Hot and Ready” pizzas, a bucket of KFC, and my tattered pride a little better concealed. The seagulls have formed into squadrons and are flying holding patterns around our picnic area. They can sense the spilled meat and are waiting for an opportune moment, I can tell it. Lunch commences. The wind, which at the start of the party was merely tornadic in speed and power, has increased to hurricane, category 5 wind speed. Plates, tablecloths, and small children are blown about. Dana has abandoned the cake decoration project. Seems the icing didn’t want to come out easily. The small pin-like letters spell “Happy Birt”. It was suggested that the opening should be enlarged to allow the icing to flow more freely. Dana tries again. Now the cake reads “Happy Birt (SPLAT)”. Seems I’m not batting a thousand today with actions or advice. Dana wipes the cake off and lets Rachel decorate the cake. Rachel paints a picture of fireworks, roses, and worms. The icing on the cake begins to melt. The cake is… interesting. Mom and Dad Leuck arrive with the no longer needed buns. A seagull dive-bombs Grandma Greene. She is not amused.
3:29 p.m. – We’re ready to present Hannah with her interesting cake. Andrea remembers that she forgot the candles. We sing “Happy Birthday”. Grandpa Greene flicks his lighter and Hannah blows out her “candle”. Happy Birthday, Honey. The seagulls are becoming more brash. There is pushing and pecking. Fights break out.
3:46 p.m. – Hannah is jokingly told the presents are for another child. She cries. Happy Birthday, Honey.
3:47 p.m. – Hannah staves off waves of cousins and siblings who are trying to “help” her open her gifts. Her patience wavers but she nonetheless perseveres.
4:05 p.m. – Pinata time! Armed with a bat and blindfolded, Hannah smashes the pinata several times. Nothing happens. Cousin Ethan steps up to the plate. Ethan crushes the pinata with relentless blows. I swear I could hear the pinata giggling. Rachel tries her best. The masochistic pinata takes it’s beating with out sign of distress. The kids want candy. The adults want to go home. The pinata’s not cooperating. Alan mercilessly beats the pinata like a chain-smoker in a fireworks factory. The pinata relents in an explosion of paper mache, cardboard, and sweat. Candy is released. Dana packs up and leaves.
4:30 p.m. – We open some of the party favors I bought while at the grocery store. The punching balloons are a great success! All kids are happy! I did good! Until each and every one of the balloons pops when they come into contact with the dry grass. Popped balloons = crying children. Happy Birthday, Honey.
4:36 p.m. – Dana returns. She has a flat tire. Of course she has a flat tire. That’s what’s supposed to happen on days like this. Alan performs an Indy 500 style tire change. Dad Leuck and I do our best to help by staring at the tire in the hope it will inflate on it’s own while Alan wrestles with the spare. Tire changed in about 5 minutes. Figured it would have taken longer if I’d had helped. Dana on her way to the tire store.
4:48 p.m. – Time for the water park! Kids are having a great time for the first time today. Uncle Alan is snapping pictures of the kids. A water spout unexpectedly turns on in front of him. Camera and operator are soaked. A quick glance at the picnic area reveals that the seagulls have descended on the now unguarded free beef and are engaging themselves in reckless gluttony. The situation is way too opportunistic for Rachel and she begins her plot to scare them to death. That’s my girl.
5:33 p.m. – Party is over. Kids are wet and tired. Adults smell of beef and are tired. Relatives are leaving. We pack up. Hannah cries. Happy Birthday, Honey.

Pictures and movies of this “special” day are here. Enjoy.